we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
