How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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