Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
