if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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