So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
