Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
