I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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