you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
is wine microwaveable?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
porn star boner night. come get it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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