So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Don't EVER smell your tampon
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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