He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
