You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I need a beard to bite.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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