That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
