Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
