He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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