So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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