the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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