and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
