ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
