True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
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how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
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You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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