i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
