So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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