Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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