He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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