It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
