I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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