Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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