I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
