I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
How external is "for external use only"?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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