Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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