M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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