FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
