Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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