Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
