I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
