I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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