I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
