Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
