never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
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I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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