I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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