cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
