I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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