Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
