i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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