my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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