Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
