just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
