dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We just shotgunned beers for America
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
