Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
