I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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