finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it's like heaven, but drunker
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
