He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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