I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
