Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
