? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
