I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
