where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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