I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
