just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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