I seem to have left my pride at pride
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
