She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
