Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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