i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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