If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she peed on how many people?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
