Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
