You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We have started to decorate penises.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
