The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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