I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
