Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.