Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
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She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Even my vagina gasped.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
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Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?