Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
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Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.