Texts From Last Night

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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place

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  (423) 2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place http://tfl.nu/hlr5
  Replies (4) Good night (3317) Bad night (962)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.

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  (423): it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like. http://tfl.nu/iipz
  Replies (3) Good night (2752) Bad night (869)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life

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  (406): I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life http://tfl.nu/9zyl
  Replies (10) Good night (6273) Bad night (937)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.

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  (417): She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit. http://tfl.nu/3bxb
  Replies (21) Good night (3809) Bad night (1348)
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  (315): View more from New York

  yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...

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  (315): yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms... http://tfl.nu/res2
  Replies (13) Good night (1984) Bad night (726)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.

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  (770): How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels. http://tfl.nu/5lg6
  Replies (8) Good night (824) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever

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  (720): My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever http://tfl.nu/wkge
  Replies (6) Good night (3307) Bad night (624)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.

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  (303): Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs. http://tfl.nu/8ywt
  Replies (6) Good night (522) Bad night (956)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it

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  (+44): He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it http://tfl.nu/n5kq
  Replies (10) Good night (1657) Bad night (362)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.

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  (360): I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance. (1-360): It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot. http://tfl.nu/be8l
  Replies (3) Good night (1621) Bad night (499)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff

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  (229): I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff http://tfl.nu/s9sx
  Replies (6) Good night (1163) Bad night (266)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.

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  (513): I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem. http://tfl.nu/08nw
  Replies (3) Good night (377) Bad night (580)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?

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  (413): So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober? http://tfl.nu/dhkh
  Replies (1) Good night (258) Bad night (412)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.

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  (662): I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel. http://tfl.nu/sldw
  Replies (2) Good night (595) Bad night (287)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I probably wouldn't

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  (443): Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood (410): I probably wouldn't http://tfl.nu/wahv
  Replies (1) Good night (484) Bad night (194)

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