Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?