I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
