ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You work out of a Hotel?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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