Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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