I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
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