11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
