Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
