textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
