omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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