tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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