Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
They took my balls.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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