someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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