I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
