i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
