Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
50% drunk capacity currently
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize