Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
