Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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