so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
