so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
