Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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