Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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