Who did Billy Mays play for?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
