OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
